my heart

We lost Dudley this past Sunday morning. Saturday night he experienced a seizure that left him gasping for air and foaming at the mouth. We rushed him to the ER vet and they put him under seizure watch to see if he had another one and what exactly it looked like. They called us at 3:00 am sunday and said that he'd had another and that he was having a hard time breathing. We asked the vet if it was her dog what would she do and she said that he was suffering and to put him through surgery or anymore testing would be hard on him. We had to say goodbye. just 3 weeks after losing my Cosmo. I can't really describe these last few weeks. I think when the hurt is so bad, you instinctively turn to nature. The little becomes big. The minute, amplified.

I wrote this 2 days before we lost Dudley. To help explain my pain for losing Cosmo.
but really can you? i tried.

my heart
Alertness beckons beautifully in the mist of the unknown
with each leaf rustle, i feel the pain of letting go.
Amplified and stunning....my mind keeps repeating "no"
and it hurts like hell

It was only a few days of suffering for him
seeing him dwindle away
Life became fragile
I held him close and breathed him in
so I could take on some of his being.

to bottle it up in my lungs and repair it and breathe
it back into him.
i feel his spirit so keenly.
my body ached as if something came in and robbed it
of part of my own essence

the knowing of loss
it is not something missing
but something now embedded so deep that the
sky takes on a different kind of blue.
a blue that is so stunning and clear
that it hurts my eyes

i can still feel his fur on my cheek.
oh he is still here
a light that only flickered for a moment
until he was transformed into something brighter
than his physical presence.

for Cosmo and Dudley

my sunshine.

A beautiful gift from the talented Micki Wilde

When I opened this painting, we cried.

A perfect memory and tribute to the kid, my pood.

Thank you Micki. Words can't express how blessed I am

to hang this on his altar....

near the santa suit, green frog, poodle papers, and collar.