Thursday, July 5, 2018

Feel so much.....

The other day I shared my issues with anxiety. And what I wasn't prepared for was the response by a multitude of women sharing that they go through things very similar. They describe the gerbil wheel of mind tricks, scenarios, and negative thoughts that plague us. All these women's wise words, gave me an infusion boost of strength....of "hey I'm not the only one". and I all of sudden felt seen and embraced. Seriously, it was like the biggest virtual group hug I've ever had. Women in a circle supporting one another and "I get you." I want to say thank you to everyone who offered up suggestions, advice, and "you are not alone, friend." I am soaking up all your wisdom and grace and beauty. Grateful!

here is the post from instagram: If you want, you can head over there and read all the responses...

Do you ever wish you didn't feel so much? intensely? I guess that all those intense feels as led me to art and to "needing Him every hour." And for that I am grateful. I have unsuccessfully taken anti-anxiety meds. Even very low doses prevent me from getting into a deep sleep. Right now my anxiety has been all about "something bad will happen" and working out all possible scenarios in my head. Lately I have been seeing a girl giving God a gift wrapped present that holds all the pain, and scenarios, and worry, etc etc. And He takes it from her and says it is His now.
I am now taking CBD oil and it has helped tremendously. If you deal with anxiety, I highly urge you to try it. I told my therapist that painting gives me peace and gets me out of my head that's why I do it all the time. Having said that I don't want to distract myself to the point of not dealing...a gray area I suppose. I just wanted to open up this conversation and if you have found natural solutions to anxiety? Mine are walking, time with God, time with poodles, art, CBD oil, and essential oils. Please share your thoughts....

Then my dear friend (and mentor extraordinaire!), Debbie Miller gave me these words. I asked her if I could share them here because if it blew my mind, then I knew that there may benefit from her wisdom as well! Thank you Debbie for allowing me to share (and ps. head over to her insta to check out her stunning paintings!)

Here are her words:

Dear one! I’m sorry you’ve been struggling! When I’m anxious and in an obsessive loop I try to remind myself that it’s fiction, not reality. I’m creating a world/situations in my head — and in that world I’m god because I’m the creator. And then I remind myself that the real, living God already created a world where He is God. 
I’m made in His image — so of course I want to create and reign. But the job of being god in my fantasized world is too much — it exhausts me and makes me feel brittle. Bottom line, I’m not very good at it.
So I try to relinquish control once again. Admit that I’m not a very good god. And ask Him to help me live in reality and trust in His goodness. 
No magic bullets, no miracle cures — but for me it helps me to get clear in my head that lies masquerading as my negative beliefs aren’t true just because I really believe them. 

Love you so much! ❤❤


Here are the natural things that I am taking to help with my anxiety and mind swirling at night:

Pure Kana CBD oil - 600 mg (start off at 150 to 300 then work up)
Green Roads world  - terpenes (strawberry terp specifically helps with anxiety)
Anti anxiety capsules

oh, I also wanted to mention that I was sleeping so well at Disney World and was wondering why. (aside from the physical exertion of walking 20 I then realized it was the Mickey shorts we turned on every night. They totally reboot my brain or put it in some sort of trance. (basically off the gerbil wheel of anxiousness)

So turn them on. Here's my favorite episode:

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